In Youth I Have Known One

This morning, I dragged myself from bed at eight o'clock and headed to school to print and copy all the documents needed for applying for the student visa to Germany.

And, today, Umei(命運) really played a big joke on me ------
the inhospitable lady at the Consulate counter just throw the ball to me, meaning:
You may apply for it, but it will take at least 2 months to get it.

2 months!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If I really get it punctually 2 months later, my German language course in Muenster has already come to the end.
If I postpone the course until July, it means all the transportation fee I have already paid for my trip in May and June will be thrown into the Pacific ocean, feeding the greedy fishes there...

Frustrated+ Sad + Desperate = Fate decides everything.

I may still go, with a tourist visa, which implies I cannot stay in Muenster to study German.
Well, I am thinking why I stick to go to Germany again after so many years.

I love German - I mean the language. That's part of the reason.

I'd like to experience life in Europe. Traveling is good, but it is far from learning the local lifestyle. Staying in a town which is honored as the most livable place, learning the language, how to go to the market, how to communicate with locals, how to accept a different value... great fun for me.

Last but not least,
I want to put a full stop for sth/sb.
And this is what my UMEI already decides for me, by ruining all my plans.

Months ago, I already almost give up dream.
But I still stick to sth, which means subconsciously, I still hold some expectation.
I clearly get the meaning of 不識廬山真面目，只因身在此山中.
Every time when I become my frds' consultant, I can clearly see the situation and point out the "sth" in between.
However, when it comes to myself, I seldom can think in a rational way, and even if I do, I can still keep on doing stupid staffs "deliberately".

Before I take the next step forward,
before I have to face the choice,
my dearest UMEI already decides for me.
Inexorable but deciding.
Haul me out from hesitation arrantly.

<<They kiss again>>(惡作劇二吻)'s last episode was shown last Sunday.
Over, all over.
My dream to become 袁湘琴 should come to end as well.